Ask the PI Moms

As an investigator, one has to get creative with one’s surveillance diet. There are some basic rules like no smelly cheeses, nothing that will give you gas (as you are usually confined to a vehicle sometimes for hours and sometimes NOT alone!), no dairy products (lack of refrigeration + dairy products = barf bucket….eeeuuuuuuu! lite on the carbs so as NOT to fall asleep, easy on the sugar so as to avoid the sugar high then sugar crash, and most importantly, limited caffeine unless you enjoy peeing in a cup! Personally, I am a camel. I NEVER pee while on surveillance….ah yes, gifted I know! lol

So this is one of my favorite Surveillance Recipes:

1 can tuna

1/4 cup each chopped tart apple, celery, cucumber (seeded)

2 tablespoons finely minced red onion

2 tablespoons chopped cilantro

2 tablespoons chopped fresh mint

1 large clove pressed garlic

1 tablespoons extra virgin olive oil

3 tablespoons aged balsamic vinegar

1/4 teaspoon wasabi mayonnaise

1/2 teaspoon smoked paprika

1 tablespoon capers

dash of salt and pepper

Blend all of the above ingredients together. If not eating right away, pack in a container and gently add fresh spinach leaves on the top of the tuna–do not toss. This way if you do not eat immediately, the spinach will not wilt!

Hello, I need some advice on what to do with my complicated situation. I have a 4 year old son that I have raised pretty much by myself since he was born. His father “babysat” for me at the most 2times a week for a while. I filed papers for childsupport and to clear up a scedule since I was moving out of my home state of ny. When he received the papers he imidiatly filed for full custody. Seeing that I have raised my son on my own the last 4 years and his dad having a terrible drug habbit. Mostly marajauana. His parents are very well of who he by the way lives with had paid for a very pricey lawyer and went as far to cover his drug habbit even though it was proven he got fired less than 2 years ago for his failure of a drug test at ryder truck company. He also went as far as to prove I was unstable moving and “slopy”. The end results were that my son went to live with his father and grandparents. I was pregnant at the time with my daughter and was taken away from his stepfather as well. We had a great family structure and miss him dearly. What should I do? Should I go as far as to hire a private investigator? I know he is doing drugs and I know his father, my sons grandfather also does drugs as well. I am not great at the legal system and would like some advice on this.

This post was submitted by andrea dejarnett.

I am curious how one starts or goes about getting into this field? I would love oneday to do this for a living or even just parttime.

Thanks Kelli

This post was submitted by kelli_80.

Dear PI mom’s,

My question is not so complicated. I first heard about this organization through the news chanel that I watch, It was reporting on a story about your agency. I want to know how to become a PI mom myself, What are the requirements needed? As I am really interested in exploring this further.

Thank you,

~M

This post was submitted by MIMI.

married 12 yr. good marriage.2 yrs ago revealed deveption, betrayor. when confronted, forclosure every hell imagined, profesional deciever/lyer, fighting for my life,family,career.
can/will you help?

This post was submitted by mary.

It’s true–the precious bottle of Marie Sharps all the way from Belize committed suicide exploding all over my sad morning self and my stone kitchen floor this am on the first we are so damn late day of school!!! My theory of why the hot sauce committed suicide this am–the IDIOT who designed the refrigerator door of my lame a** refrigerator clearly needs to GO BACK to design school. What kind of moron designs a refrigerator door shelf that is to low for a milk carton and too wide for your salad dressings, salsas, and hot sauce bottles?? Answer: A person who does not spend much time in a kitchen…ie cooking…could it be a–gasp–nahhh–I better NOT go there….

And sad sorry pathetic green enviro little old me has nary a paper towel in sight–instead wiping up the glass laden sauce with ancient cloth diaper-turned-rag….I’m sure I’ll get a WIDE berth at the gym today the way my gym clothes smell–very habanero.

I am a empty nester mom and police work is in my blood. I have cousins, my uncle was chief of police of a major town in Ohio my husband, his brother and brother and law were all officers. I think it’s my turn at bat and would like to know how to get something like this started in my area.

This post was submitted by Julie Crawford.

I live in New York. I would love to get involved in this field. i am a natural at this and have a passion for this kind of work. Can I possible speak to someone or have a contact to call?

This post was submitted by Terri.

My name is Kevin and I’m 17 years old. I came upon your blog and I thought you might have some good insight on an experience I recently had. I was too embarrassed to tell my mom about it. It involved a girl I had just met at a dance. We talked for a good half hour and seemed to be hitting it off. She was very pretty, smart and nice. We even exchanged email addresses. I was so excited!

Then, things suddenly went downhill. I commented that she had a “really nice, hourglass figure”. I thought she would take it as a compliment but instead she became deeply offended. She told me I was being “inappropriate” and with a look of complete disgust, WHAP!, she slapped my face and departed.

As I was standing there alone rubbing my cheek, with my friends nearby laughing at me, I was wondering why she was so offended. She had a classic hourglass figure – busty, narrow waist, shapely hips/legs. Btw, I do have her email address. Do you think I should send her an apology note or should I interpret the slap in the face as another way of saying she does not want to see me again?

This post was submitted by Kevin.

1. Coffee–not only do you stink up the vehicle with your stalecoffeebreath but unless you are PI Mom Michelle, you will be running for the local gas station restroom every 5 minutes…

2. Chatty Cathy High Maintenance “Friends”–that insist on calling you while crunched in the back of your vehicle camera at the ready–

You Say: “uh you know I REALLY can’t talk…”

You Think: “Shuuuuuut Uuuuuuuup!”

Chatty Cathy Friend: “.Just ONE last thing–then he stood up and called my mother a Filthy Norman Pig-Dog and my dad a Scurvy Knave–you know how he gets when he is slightly drunk and mid-way through his 14th viewing of the Tudors…”

You Say: “How nice that he is spending quality time with your parents…”

You Think: “Yeah, well, we ALWAYS knew your obsession with the Renaissance Fair would manifest in your marriage when you married the Steak on a Stick guy…”

Chatty Cathy Friend: “Then all he wants to do is pretend he’s Henry the VIII–but NOT in a hot young buff Jonathan Rhys Meyers way–more of a hunchback of Notre Dame–slightly off balance with a St. Bernard constant stream of drool way….”

You Say: “How nice that he’s warmed up to your dog…I know you need to talk but I REALLY have to go now….”

You Think but Would NEVER Dare Say: “Can’t we skip ahead to the beheading????”

3. Any attachment to personal hygiene–Sniff sniff…What is that smell you wonder…carefully while not moving the camera a single centimeter as you wait for your subject– you raise one arm over your head and sniff…Sniff…SNIFF–eeeeyyyooouuuuuuu! That IS the last time you entrust your pits to Not-so-Right- ever-so-stinky generic thought I’d save some money deODORrant not fit for humans in ANY way…

4. Any attachment to personal appearance–Richard Simmons would be proud–you are in the back of your vehicle “sweatin’ to the oldies” without the oldies and without breaking a resting heart rate. Yes friends, it gets hot Hot HOT in the back of that surveillance vehicle with only a window cracked for air. Don’t even think about make-up as your not-so-waterproof mascara and eyeliner runs down your cheeks leaving semi-permanent stripes resembling a 2 year old child-gone-wild with a sharpie on your face…So attractive! So inconspicuous! SO goes with your oh-so-chic Hat Hair….

5. Energy Drinks–see #1 above plus now you have a sugar high and crash and burn to contend with just like your toddler’s first amped up body slam into the wall candy gorging experience with Halloween minus the costume AND the tantrum–

What might be your top thing to avoid while on surveillance?